I lied

I Lied: A Sofa Saga of Pregnancy, Pain, and Playful Payback

Let me take you back to the scene: third trimester, a sofa too deep for its own good, and a belly that made even the act of breathing feel like a gym class. I was wedged—emotionally and physically—into the corner of our sectional. I wasn’t asking for much. Just help standing up. Or rolling off. Or being forklifted out.

Tom, my partner, did come over. But not before chuckling, “You look like a distressed turtle.”

I rolled my eyes so hard I may have strained something.

It wasn’t malicious—it was one of those affectionate digs that somehow both annoys you and reminds you that this is your person.

Fast-forward a few hours. I was in bed. I’d managed to hoist myself up, stretch, swing my legs around—all on my own. But did I shout for help anyway?

Absolutely.

He came running in, all concerned—only to find me lying there smugly on the bed, legs slightly parted, a provocative grin on my face.

“I thought you needed help?” he asked.

“I do,” I said. “Just… not the kind you thought.”

I lied. And I stand by it.

Mobility and Bodily Changes in Pregnancy

By the third trimester, your centre of gravity has shifted, your ligaments are looser (thanks, relaxin), and everyday activities become Olympic events. I once pulled a hip muscle putting on pants.

• Up to 45% of pregnant women experience pelvic girdle pain (PGP). I am one of the 45%! YAY!
• About 25% say it’s “serious”

Your pelvis is widening, your joints are playing fast and loose with stability, and your sofa? It becomes your greatest enemy.

Humour + Partnership = Survival Kit

That little prank wasn’t just for laughs (although it was very satisfying). It was a reminder that humour softens the blow of discomfort—and that having a partner who shows up, even when you’re being cheeky, is gold.

Shared laughter during stressful times isn’t fluff—it’s science:

• Stronger relationships
• Less stress
• More connection, even in the chaos

Whether you’re bonding over a birth plan or a mischievous bedroom stunt, these moments add glue to the cracks.

Things That Actually Help (Besides Being Petty)

1. Comfort Throne (aka Supportive Chair)

➡️ [Maternity Recliner on Amazon] – High back, cushioned arms, smooth recline. Your new throne for bingeing, breastfeeding or being stuck like a goddess.

2. TENS Machine for Pain Relief

➡️ [TensCare TENS Unit] – Non-medicated pain relief for hips, back or early labour. Portable and satisfying.

3. Pregnancy Support Belt

➡️ [BabyGo Support Belt] – Reduces pelvic and lower back pressure, especially with SPD/PGP symptoms.

4. Pregnancy Wedge Pillow

➡️ Nullie Pregnancy Wedge Pillow – Amazon UK – A compact, supportive pillow that helps relieve back and bump strain while sleeping or lounging. Game-changer for uncomfortable nights.

5. Gentle Movement That Doesn’t Suck

UK guidelines recommend 150 minutes of movement per week, but honestly, small efforts count:

• Prenatal yoga (YouTube counts)
• Brisk-ish walks
• Aqua-natal or swimming

At the end of the day…

Yes, I lied. Yes, it was flirty. No, I don’t feel bad.

Pregnancy can feel like losing control of your own body. So when you get the chance to flip the narrative—even if it’s just tricking your partner for a laugh—take it. Tom certainly didn’t complain.

Want more unfiltered pregnancy truth bombs?
Follow @the.realbump or visit therealbump.com

Because sometimes the best revenge is a well-timed lie and a wink.